Curiously, the sky has not fallen in.
Media Release
Two Years On, Sky Still Firmly Overhead Despite Doomsayers’ Best Efforts
Wellington, New Zealand – Shockingly, the sky has yet to collapse. It’s been two years since the Births, Deaths, Marriages, and Relationships Registration Act came into force, and civilisation chugs on (loos intact, peace unbroken).
Remember the hand-wringers who warned of trans “predators” staging a siege of our bathrooms? Surprise: the revolutionary act they’ve mastered is… using the loo. No arrests. No rampaging mobs. Just people peeing in peace.
“We practised our chants and everything,” sniffed one Remuera bunker‑dweller. “Now I’m stuck raging about cheese prices.”
Key “catastrophes” to date:
- Toilets wrecked by trans people: 0 – zilch
- Changing rooms overrun: still none
- Women’s sport demolished: Black Ferns unbowed
- Actual problems caused: pending investigation (might grab a pie while we wait)
- Doomsday predictions fulfilled: yeah, nah
(To be serious for a second, there have been no arrests or reports of trans people misbehaving in single-sex spaces since the bill came into law.)
Trans Kiwis, meanwhile, have been up to the sort of subversion that really threatens the status quo: queuing politely at Pak’n Save, lamenting Auckland traffic, debating whether it’s a “bach” or a “crib,” and getting irrationally excited by parade-weather barbies.
The Department of Continuing to Exist Despite Wild Theories reminds New Zealanders: the sky remains affixed, but we can’t promise fine weather over Matariki weekend. Some things truly are unpredictable.
ENDS
Media enquiries: Ask literally any trans person who’s too busy living a normal life—paying their rates, queuing for coffee, and wondering why their existence was ever front‑page news. Or, if you have free time, ring the doomsayers.